I think back to a time that I didn’t know you. It wasn’t too long ago, you know. There was a time that you and I didn’t exist, or at least, there was a you and an I, but not a collective us… not that there is one now, either. Back then, things weren’t so complicated, so messy. Things were what they were.
There was a time when I didn’t check my phone every five seconds to see if you had watched my Instagram story yet, or replied to my text. (You hadn’t, in case you were curious.)
– you know I put that story up just so you would watch it and think of me –
There was a time when my heart didn’t exist in my stomach, waiting for that moment you’d walk through the door, turn your face toward mine and smile with that damn smile of yours that lights up the whole world. There was a time that I had self-respect.
I remember these times fondly…
But if I never knew you, I wouldn’t know what it feels like to truly be alive again. I had fallen into such a rut before I met you, before we discovered each other, and I was just so… sad. I was such a shell of myself, so lost and then, you came around and reminded me of who I actually am. It was wonderful… Was being the operative word here.
If I never knew you, I wouldn’t know what it felt like to be second fiddle, but then again, at least I was in the damn band. If I never knew you, all of those smiles, those laughs, those intimate moments shared would cease to exist.
…and the thought of that is more devastating that any heartache unintentionally caused.
Even with all of the sadness, it was all worth it.
I don’t want to know a life, if I never knew you.