When I was in high school, the Dave Matthews Band was all the rage. Same with college. There was a good ten years where you were either for or against DMB, and it was a war of the ages. I’ll admit I was pro-DMB, but not a hard core fan like others I knew, some of which have very regrettable tattoos to prove this.
There was one song of theirs that always fascinated me, as I couldn’t imagine how it could possibly be a real thing, something that happens in real life, and not just some male fantasy. “Say Goodbye.” The song reads a scene of two friends that have somehow ended up alone for one evening and the chemistry is undeniable, so they decide they are going to hook up with one night and then, go back to their respective lovers and back to being friends, like nothing ever happened.
When I was younger, I was baffled by this. A hopeless romantic at birth, I couldn’t fathom how you could ever stray from your beloved or even consider another option. If it was real, you wouldn’t even think these things, let alone consider or act upon them. Very cut and dry, black and white, for me. I didn’t get it and I definitely didn’t like it.
But, then I grew up. And then I met you.
I was simply picking up my home after a hectic week, in sweatpants and a ratty tee shirt. You were my friend, a friend I miss terribly. How was I supposed to know that, unsupervised, these emotions that I never expected, this fire that I didn’t even know existed deep inside my heart, would show up unannounced and completely confuse us and take us to places we hadn’t ever been.
Now, I close my eyes and fantasize about your hands on my body and my name in your mouth. I can imagine your body’s weight on mine and the redness in my cheeks glows. I feel you over every inch of me. I haven’t felt this alive in so long.
And I can’t stop.
I don’t want to.
You and I both know this is way too complicated for real life. But it’s there. And now it’s just staring at us, with a smirk and a giggle, enjoying how surprised we both are that this has come to a head.
As if we should have seen it coming.
But how could anyone see this coming?
And now I can’t sleep because I dream of you, and this. And I think back to DMB and that song…
Tonight, let’s be lovers
And here me call
Soft spoken, whispering love
A thing or two I have to say here…
…And tomorrow we’ll go back to being friends.
…and now I really think Dave was full of sh*t…
It’s tomorrow and it’s all still there. All of it.